It’s Saturday afternoon. You are in the mood for some wreckin racin. Your local speedway is running a destruction derby tonight and you need a set of wheels, fast. You head to your local Front yard Caryard and decide to choose your weapon there. So what will it be?
First up we have the diminutive Suzuki Swift. Black like death, packing 1.3 litres of pure power with just enough torque to pull the skin off a slightly warm custard. On the upside, front wheel drive and manoeuvrability give this little car the edge over a larger rear wheel drive offering. Is this hatch one to choose for a deathmatch?
Honda has a name for reliability and build quality. I am sure Shoichiro Honda didn’t have destruction derbies in mind when he kicked off his fledgling motor company, but you can cash in on his desire to produce strong, well built cars. With a 2.2 litre power plant, front wheel drive and a solid thickset body, this Japanese sedan is probably the best all rounder of the bunch, and the velour seats will ensure you are comfortable while driving at 48kmh into other cars. Is the all rounder the best choice though?
Sure it is lacking reliability. However, what it lacks in reliability, the big Jaguar more than makes up for in brute strength. A 4.2 litre six cylinder engine, swathed in almost two tonnes of faux woodgrain and British wiring, the Jag is one of the two heavy hitters of the bunch. It may not be fast, but it would go through a brick wall, without much effort, and the lack of reliability counts for little as if it breaks down it’s not far to walk at all, just to the divider fence.
I’m not sure how a convertible would go in a destruction derby. Lack of roof means the strengthening is in the body, maybe a bonus in the world of destruction derby. On the other hand, if you get flipped on your roof it’s game over, big time. The Mazda sourced B6 engine used in the Capri is legendary in relation to reliability, and the nimble Capri could easily run rings around larger cars. Safest bet would be to dodge until you can dodge no more, but you know engine will just keep going and going. And going and going.
The last option is the staple for any Australian destruction derby. The Ford Falcon. 250 cubic inches, torque enough to punch through hatchbacks, and a wagon to ensure protection of the differential. It’s got the power, it’s got the space, it’s got the ability.
So what will it be, nimble 4 cylinder or big 6? Front wheel drive manoeuvrability or rear wheel drive punching power?
The choice is yours.