Me versus the Universe – Round 1

I wasn’t even that keen on going. For a couple of months now, the local area and radio had been bombarded with an advertising campaign for the upcoming Top Gear Festival. Me, being the automotive snob I am, told myself that I would not pay for a ticket to attend such an event, when I feel that better events could visited for less money. Then chances arose and fell like Parramatta Road caryards, all involving free tickets, with no outcome I could say was in my favour. Until the very end.


My first bit of luck came in the form of a free ticket, offered to me by the owner of a car I am writing an article on. I could stand by the car, and help answer questions, as my knowledge of the car was good having spent so much time researching it. The added bonus of this arrangement was that I might get a chance to meet 2 of the hosts from Top Gear. I was looking forward to placing my manifesto in James’ hands at an opportune moment, and hopefully win the praise from this fellow I respect greatly. And then it happened. The owner pulled out, and my first chance at a free ticket vanished.


The second chance arose while in my travels, I flicked through the radio stations and came across two nuff nuffs chatting to Jeremy Clarkson, trying to explain to him what a Holden Barina is. I listen to this and think, ‘here is my chance to shine’. I envisioned calling in, telling Jeremy that they mean an Opel Corsa, and him saying ‘Ian, you sound like you should be at the Festival, I will be around to pick you up soon in some ridiculously expensive sportscar’. Then I realised that I had never called this station, and didn’t have the number. Besides, how would Clarkson know where I am? Before I could look it up, the hosts had already annoyed Clarkson so much that he hung up.


My last and final chance came this afternoon, the day of Top Gear Festival Eve, if you will. In the morning, I passed the venue and had a look, noticing that there was an accreditation trailer I had to report to if I wanted a ticket. The place looked mucho security conscious too, no chance of me sneaking in unnoticed. I was almost going to give up completely on trying to get in for free, I left and continued on my way. In the afternoon, on the way back past I noticed a couple walking the perimeter of the venue, carrying heavy bags and looking flustered. I pulled up and asked them if they wanted a lift, as it was quite a ways to the entrance. They accepted my ride, in return I hit them with a barrage of questions about how they got their free tickets. She was an events management trainee, He was along for the ride, and they had scored a few free tickets to get in. I drop them off at the accreditation booth, she leans in and says that ‘good Karma should come my way for doing this’. I ask ‘does she mean that she will give me a free ticket’? Laughing, she walks away, leaving me with a total lack of faith in the whole Karmic system.


So I gave up. The Universe won this round, I figured the only way to get in was to suck up my pride and just pay for a ticket. I picked up the phone and made a call.

And now I’m doing a photoshoot for an Italian historic bike instead.

Your move, Universe.


Credits: Top Gear mug – BBC copyright

The photos are my own.

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